Thursday, December 18, 2014

Michelle Antoinette & the Valetlamma

My Mom was 5 feet , if that . I loved her just that way .  Her modest stature put her at a bit of disadvantage  as throughout her life she could never reach the top shelf or even  the back half of the second . I was always happy to help and find myself doing so at the Grocery even now . I was no Boy Scout but this simple courtesy could not be ignored . There is always some shrunken 80 year old woman  overjoyed  to have assistance reaching the peas , and really who wouldn't wan't to be of service to those in need , ( and like w a smile , at no cost ) .
Apparently the First Lady (6'1/235) wouldn't want to help and has complained about being treated like the help when Target rudely allowed a customer to request assistance ..
 How dare they ........
Her husband was of course greatly offended to be confused for a valet . Bill Clinton himself observed to Bush Sr that " 10 years ago this guy
( President Obama ) would have been serving us Coffee  " . I bet he would have made a terrific valet . And now look at what the Peter Principle has proven . The provenance is Peter full .
Moving on.....
What better way to celebrate  ' Honeker ' than  a kiss to Fidel , similar peas from different pods . King Erkel the Ennuineee  again bestows legitimacy on the illegitimate . This began w the Muslim Frigging Brotherhood  when Erkel awarded Egypt to them before sanity prevailed ( there not here ) . Meanwhile EU weenies ( not to be confused w Ennuinees ) today have recognized HAMAS as legitimate too .  This is a continuation of Moochelle's fantastically  successful ' '#Bring Back our Grrls ' campaign . You will recall all 300 schoolgirls were safely returned by Boko Haram after the Twitteratae  convinced them to embrace secular democracy and multiculturalism . Sadly outreach failed in Pakistan yesterday as Beslan was imitated and 141 children were slaughtered . One hundred fifty one women and girls were also slaughtered by ISIS yesterday after refusing ' battlefield marriages ' . They were to be the sex slaves of islamofascists .
Capitulation to your enemies . Its how the Valetlamma would do it .

Friday, December 12, 2014

Barbie compromised Missouri style

Merry Christmas FOTS . Two weeks and counting . If I was a kid I would be in near delirium over Santa's pending arrival . This  year I really got into the decorating spirit and I even had a Seasonal Paint Job put on the Puntiac .
 Obviously we spared no expense for our Tree ( pictured above ) . I asked Sharia to get a big one while stressing how I despise artificial trees .  Needles in the carpet are OK because I love having the House smell like Scotch Pine . Hopefully Sharia picked a fresh fragrant tree . It looks great in the picture . May it look as nice in the House as it did on that lot .
 Have you guys heard of the Furries ?They are a group of Performance Artists , Jugglers , Mimes , Dancers and other assorted ex Renaissance Fair employees There are thousands of them . All volunteer Ewokenage  ( Look it up in Wookipedia ) . They dress as above to promote their general hugability while maintaining their anonymity . When your in a fuzzy costume your lap  looks safe even if that card in your wallet calls you a registered sex offender .
This group of eccentrics has a big convention and I think this year it was Chicago . There was terrorism ' aimed at these gentle innocents FOTS . PDUS has a theory about the poison gas they encountered . Now we concede it possible the ' chlorine gas ' came from backyard pool supplies . We think however someone just pored a few gallons of Purex or Ajax into the stairwell , and they were leaving a message that the Furry as a group , smell , and are in need of a good disinfecting .

I have a niece who told me how much she hated Barbie after I had sent her those dolls for Christmas many times . Hopefully she was able to exchange them for something of equal value at the Tattoo and Piercings shop .
Remember the Missouri Compromise FOTS from US history class ? There was a big fight over whether the South could count slaves in apportioning the House of Representatives , It was decided that they should have three fifths the value of a regular Southerner . Sixty % . 
Supply and demand of course is what determines a price FOTS . We believe that holds true for Black Barbies which seem not to be held in high esteem by the overall purchasing public .
 Target shoppers of the Afro American persuasion have noted the different prices for Black and White Barbies and they are demanding their  prices be raised to equal those demanded for White Barbie . Allowing them to pay one third more is OK w Target who was more than willing , like Missouri to compromise  .  BTW we note that 60 % is ancient history . Black Barbie is now worth nearly 75% of White Barbie , just as is mirrored in the white collar workforce . Those in Government jobs are of course protected from marketplace reality , thus the Black Middle Class .
PDUS remains steaming over the Weeper's latest capitulation . I see method in his latest Reefer Madness  compromise w the Democrats . Bonier and the Republican Rinocerae  just gave a BIG B Slap to their Base w this spending agreement . . After winning Back to Back landslide  midterms they funded Obamacare and Amnesty too . How do they redeem their reputations as red blooded Conservatives ? They go after those Damn Hippys legalizing Pot in DC . LOL . We are this stooopid folks .
One last thing FOTS to brighten your day as it did ours . Kabul is scandalized by the above brazen hussy who dares dress as a free person might .  We think maybe she read our Immodest Prep-posal and was inspired towards freedom . Hurrah for her . May the entire Mid East follow suit .

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Weeper of House weeps w Eric Cantor losss

Weeper of the House , John Boehner , predictably , wept , at Amnesty advocate Eric Cantor's loss in the Primaries . He needed every RINO ally he could rally for his betrayal of the Republican Base . ( RINOs hate them ) . He has apparently joined the other side FOTS in approving Erkel's reformation of the USA , Erkel opened the Border while portraying himself as ' Deporter in Chief ' , when he was actually importing Millions . His deportation claims were always dubious .  He changed accounting and deporting number  to include those turned away at the border claiming for the first time , all were being ' deported ' when in fact none had even entered the Country . Yet .
All he really did was open floodgates w the assistance of ' centrist '  RINO's who like Weeper Boehner  who objects to a Government shutdown for fear of the terrible wrath of voters who would punish Republicans horribly for trying to reign in the Behemoth of ever larger Government . It was the type of RINO shit we have seen before .
Voters did not punish Republicans for the ' horrible ' Government shutdown . They awarded them a landslide win of historic proportions . ( Note these are NOT the same as Prep -portions ) .
Galveston has run a similar scam recently , promoting itself as a prime vacation spot while some , uh , harbor doubts . ( Galveston does have a fine Port and enough tonnage to qualify as #2 in the USA ) .  It's Beach however is not something that children would much enjoy unless they want to see Seaweed .
Note this ' Beach ' stroller wades thru dead Seaweed well North of her ankles . The children PDUS expects , would much prefer the talcum powder sands of Destin Florida to the scratchy vomitous discharge from the Chocolate Yoohoo  waters of Galveston Island .  The island is about 20 miles long and everywhere on the Gulf side got TONS of Seaweed blocking ANY SIGHT of Sand .  Like underwater , there are nasty surprises awaiting vacationers .
This is the Black Sea Devil Anglerfish recently pulled from the depths of the Gulf ( note the head tail ). No way would I want to remove this fish from my line , and no , I would not eat one . Maybe the tail flesh . Also note FOTS the stalk above it's head . Atop it sits a ' firefly ' of Bio luminescence . It is his bait , and any nibble turns those nasty teeth upwards to it's dinner . We think these Sea Devils  may be related to Michelle Obama's lineage of She Devils .  PDUS does not reccommend trolling for either .

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Creepy Crawley out at CNN , Landrieu at Senate

I-Pod of Wales
Our narcissist President ( me , me , me , me ) is in the Hospital w Heartburn ! We have wished him Heartburn , Ulcers , and Hemorrhoids before . Our Derams are coming true ! He ought to try a liberal dose of  Prepto Bizmo for that Heartburn ,  He lost his Aye - Pod today . First Senate Aye Podster (97%!) Petunia Marie Landrieu  and Candy Crowley too who is clearly the Cow of that I-Pod . She looks to be calving soon but isn't .
President Erkel saw them both while Wales watching in Ireland . Their aye Pod of Whales is in his wake .
Ms. Crawley
Saw a Bumper Sticker yesterday for a local bar / restaurant called the Last Concert CafĂ© . It was a speak easy and bawdy house in the 1920's and even today it's front door stays locked . There is no address visible , you just have to have been there before . My brother frequented this place in 1971 . I discovered it in 1990 and ate there monthly since I loved their Red Salsa w tacos al Carbon . There was a porch for bands out back , which were always Punk Rock . It was good Salsa tho .
Maybe the best in town .
Decades ago my daughter wanted to fix me up w the owner of this place , a friend of hers who was a bit young , and little heavy . If that was her I saw on my last Salsa run I chose well . So guess what the bumper sticker said  . " Drum Circle Tuesday Nights " . I will have to eat there on Wednesdays and hope the Party is over and home asleep .
Helen Thomas 
Rush had a solid theory as to why CNN released Creepy Crawly Crowley . They took the retributions threat from Rence Priebus seriously and would like to host a debate , and provide , ahem , ' Moderators ' . They deserve to be frozen out after their Treasonous Cheat and willful professional misconduct . They have become the National Enquirer from 1950's Grocery Store checkout lines .
 Show them the Transcript Candy
Why did no one ask how he knew she had one ?

Every single ' Moderator ' tried to throw his own Debate to other  moderates . Crowley was rumored to have visited the WH to ' discuss the Debate ' . I had no idea the Job Title was literal . Obama got many more minutes in every debate . He talked over Romney out of turn and got away w it . . Creepy Crowley's collusion was just Jim Lehrer x2 . He wrote a novel where the Hero , a Debate Moderator , sinks the eevil Republican shoo-in as patriotic duty to ' The Party .' .Proud partisan Crawley said ' I would do it all again ' and got big applause from the left . The leftist enemedia is a Cancer on American Politics  FOTS . From now on they get a David Gregory and we get Rush . Fair is fair , and that is something they haven't been .

Friday, December 5, 2014

It was 20 years ago today.......

I used to celebrate December 5th . It was my wife's Birthday , but that wasn't why . I would play expensive Golf Courses , and maybe Dine Out . One year was the best . It was the first time I celebrated the date . I went upstairs for an aerobatics lesson in a T-34 trainer . Beechcraft sold several thousand of those to our Military ( every branch ) and lots in South and Central America for use as minor league weapons platforms . Each could carry 4 small bombs , and of course multiple machine guns in each wing .
It was not a hot plane but it was inexpensive . A turboprop  has respectable performance for those watching their expenses . Supersonic Jets probably start at 15M each and they devour fuel . The T34 may max out at 350mph but that is fast enough to do every imaginable maneuver which is exactly what I was renting for the day . In comparison to a thousand knot jet you could have probably bought  a  modest little T-34 , new , for $200K  .
With an experienced Military Pilot in my backseat I was given permission to design  my own Roller Coaster in the sky . There were nose up loops and wing up or down nose up rolls and I had a blast . Never felt more alive . Best $300 I ever spent .  What I enjoyed learning most was how to do a quick 180 degree turnaround .
When I was just out of college I learned how to do a bootlegger turn in my aging 912 Porsche . It is low slung 5 speed manual w a rear engine . That rear weight , and NOT its power will pull the rear forward should you want to turn around and go back the way you came . It just takes a hard pull on the steering wheel while those rear wheels are still spinning . ( That greases your skid ) . I got to where I could do this to impress friends . The same stunt in a 914 produces a 360 , I learned .
BTW I would recommend this wild ride but that plane started having wing problems . They kept falling off . Texas Air Aces went out of business when one of their T-34s crashed into Lake Conroe after that catastrophic failure . It killed pilot and passenger . The plane was grounded for a while Nationwide while the  air frame was reconsidered . Years of standing on one's wings in training exercises is bound to stress them . We did several 6 G tight turns too , where I weighed over 1000 lbs .  Imagine every single bolt also weighing 6 times more during an extreme turn . Those planes survived a meat grinder yet still had a service life rivaling the venerable DC-3 .
This X Ray above might explain the anniversary . If not I will . That is authentic Preptile Spine that you see above shot on the day I was , which was 20 years ago today . Those are shotgun pellets from a carjacker trying a bisection of my spine . Had some not ricocheted off to the right Preptiles might well be an extinct species . I am the only one of them that I know .
I bet my local paper would blame it on Global Warming .
Or George Bush .

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Mares eat Oats and Does eat Oats, and little Islambs eat doggy , also A.C.O.R.N. Nuts ,and Regenuts

I lost a starter in my car a few days ago and was damn lucky it did not happen at Dad's farm . I think it was the very first time I started the car after my return . My stop for coffee on the way home was the last time it would ever work again , and it sounded fine . It did so until the big clang while I was cranking the car Saturday . Presumably it was the Bendix mechanism which works like an electromagnet . I still love the car and consider it one of the Great bargains of my life . Used cars , used suits . No spendthrift here . Those of you buying retail finery perhaps can afford to . I waste few dollars yet still wear Armani and drive a luxury V8 ( even if both are admittedly older ). I do so for pennies on the Dollar too , as I have defeated the financial impediment of pride . BTW I could spend 4 grand on my car repair and still think it a bargain ( altho maybe not as large of one ) .
 Oops , wrong car . Mine gets slightly better mileage and is newer .
The loss of that starter put me on foot over the weekend , when I had no place to go . Eventually I splurged $1.25 for a Bus to town and rented a car . I have some pictures below of what I found while walking about 10 blocks , that will surprise you . Nuts . Like the comic only w more Nuttiness .
I bet my brother the Health Care lobbyist is really gonna enjoy the comic he should get from Fed Ex tomorrow . This 150 page lavishly illustrated comic is destined to become a collector's edition . I bet he has it autographed at a Book signing .

I loved the Gahan Wilson comic above , Nuts . It ran in National Lampoon of the early 70's . Tales of a boy and his dog and oddly it was the boy who starred w his ruminations and enlightenments as to how the grown-up world worked . Other than that ,  Nuts to Nuts I woulda said . Really never liked them since we had a Pecan tree in the backyard . If only it had been Cashew .  I grew to hate them and make a wonderful Pecanless Pie . I have recently discovered I love Peanut Butter tho . Always hated it before I was old , and FOTS I feel that way . I am ready to say Nuts to all of it some days , and really my minor ailments are nothing compared to struggles w Tom that Suzy had and recently MTVA has , ( Hey Marilyn ) . Never had much luck as a kid eating acorns , usually on a dare . They contain Tannic Acid which pigs and squirrels tolerate better than humans . ( I hope you dog owners did not read that last sentence aloud . Your doggy might know that word and get upset at the prospect ) .
A.C.O.R.N. nuts are the most offensive of all of them and the President is a fine example .
Joey Chest-nut Impersonator in Chief  
I found a bunch of Acorns in my neighborhood that simply could not be native . These were the kings of all Acorns and would be All Pro in the Acorn leagues . That's why I call them Rege(king)nuts . Plus it sounds like Reagan Nuts , and he had a legendary pair . First the somewhat undersized urban nuts from Downtown's smallish trees , not native at all , but crated in for Beautification . It did not work . You could say the project produced inferior fruits , as all urban projects do . You will note my whimsy in the FOTO if you see the Fountain Pen Nib representing the laughably undersized genitalia  of the local Acornistas . Like dead voters  they spring up at the Cemetery under the A.C.O.R.N. tree .
Now these , for comparison , are real Nuts , of the type that defeated Communism without firing a shot  . At least they were  defeated until that is their recent resurgence in the Ennuinee Administration . 
I included the largest of the Urban Nuts here for comparison . Really it is not much of a contest . The Regenuts are ten times the nut of those A.C.O.R.N . Community Organizer ones . Just like in Real life .  We are overdue FOTS for a pair of these size 12's in the Oval Office . It is a wonder those small nuts are able to reproduce at all ( and there are doubts , along w suspicions , that Erkel's chirruns were fathered by Michael Jackson ) . We believe it too . They look just like him .

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Erkelnomic Erkopalypse all about mi mi mi mi

PDUS was a big fan of Niles Crane of the smart show Fraser . We even own an Armani Double Breasted suit like he always wore , purchased second hand and tailored for under $400 !
 What wonderful writers that show had . One episode had Fraser praising Niles as an eminent Psychiatrist  and Niles replying that Fraser was eminent while his eminence was merely imminent .
Just killer clever wordsmithing .
Mi , mi , mi , mi . Not Mi-MO 
Another episode  had him treating a Narcissist Opera singer and quipping that it was always about the mi , mi , mi , mi  This brought to mind an old John Lennon song about self absorption . His ' Dear Prudence ' was cleverly packaged missive to the Prudent , but this slap-down had none of the outreach . I , I , Me , Me , Mine was of course the name of that tune . We will run the video at the bottom . We Prep-pose it as President Erkel's theme music , just as ' Running Bear and Little White Dove '  is for our pending First Cherokee CIC , She had Washington Redskin's Reservations and was raised on one .
There were  primitive conditions and conditioners .
President Erkel's recent Amnesty announcement contained 99 I-words . I . Me . My . Mine . The self absorption was self evident and even more so w a speech in Austin last month when our Narcissist in Chief  used those pronouns 191 times . It was as unprecedented as the Precedent's remarkable overuse of the word ' unprecedented ' . Someone counted 129 usages in a few weeks . It was unprecedented .  
FOTS isn't it time we were un- Presidented  ? Can we impeach and remove this treasonous Weasel from office ? He wanted to give America a big Bitch Slap , and he has and we tinkle our stomachs in fear of impeachment because someone might call us racist . America I ought to love you even more because you are one great big Pussy .

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Muslim Brother Erdogan reaches new low , digs

I had a comment disabled at the Houston Chronicle website yesterday . I thought it worth saving for our readers overseas who might miss another PDUS bitch slap at er , Erdogan .  He made the news yesterday by noting that men and women are not equals as women are designed to produce and nourish the young .
Don't Pull my String !
Admittedly there is no higher calling than Motherhood . We miss our Mom , but would never wrap her in Ninja gear , invisible to the whole Civil World and in no way even part of it .  But then she wasn't programming us to be little shaheeds . ( Just like it sounds , shitheels ) .
There is islam's , and Erdogan's dirty little secret , freshly escaped . They don't believe in Civil Rights . Erdogan wants you Grrls to cover . Last week we had a column called an Immodest Prep-posal advocating near nudity for Iranian women . They would do this in protest over mullahs and muttawa ( religious Policemen ) proclaiming ' Bad Hijab ' . ( This can get you a Super Soak of Sulfuric Acid in more Religious  districts ) . Our Immodest Proposal was last weeks most read piece , popular w the Ferners mostly . It wasn't that great of a column , but who am I to complain over readership ? If I feel enough guilt over the quality I can always add improvements .
I seldom do that . I will correct glaring grammatical errors if spotted , like I should have done while typing .  We don't get many Iranian readers but something inspired a young Iranian last week to Dance on the Subway w uncovered hair .

Its a local hit on their social media for the near nudity no doubt .
The Chron article was about an abattoir . A  halal butchery .  They slaughter Goats and Chickens for local immigrant families and ethnic Grocers . This butchery is done by cutting throats as is so popular w all those Middle Eastern Unaligned Militias ( who all align towards Mecca at Sunset ) . Their  Barbarians have recently beheaded some children of , unfortunately , the wrong sect . They were singing the ' Alluah Ahkbar ' song there too . American immigrants should be advised against that public invocation . Citizens may unfairly suspect that islamic killing is about to take place and react appropriately . Todd Beamer style .
This Butcher had 500 Gallons of blood in his ditches where apparently he had disposed of it . No doubt that's how they do it back home in Halamistan .
Ok , I bet your tired of waiting for that Erdogan B slap we promised in the first paragraph . I cannot paste it until new readers are informed of the Caliph in Waiting's singular honor . Regular readers may skip to the next paragraph while I tell how Erdogan insisted that Ottomen killing 1.5 M Armenians could in no way be considered a Genocide . This blatant lie , when coupled w his insistence that the IDF killing 10 Gaza Rocketeers DID constitute a Genocide caught the ear of the World Record folks at Guinness who pronounced him the presiding ' Double Standard Bearer ' .

Ok , here is our deleted response...........

Halal ?

Do they behead Turkeys there to the tune of that muslim yodel ,
as is Halal ?

If so I 'll take 100 lbs of that Turkey Erdogan , and feed it to my dogs .

I would too , even if I had to buy some dogs first ,
just for the duty of producing er , Erdogan dooty .