Thursday, August 21, 2014

Preezie who wishes he was JZ struggles against JV , or Russia plays Chess , Islam plays DOMINOES while we play w our genitals

Just a few observations from the Pup Deck this mornin FOTS . American High Schoolers  know that the JV or Junior Varsity team is one step above the Water Boy when sports are being discussed . It's full of underweight and undersized 9th Graders who really are not ready to play w the Big Boys ( like Erkel ) . They are mostly wannabees , and spectators of the real game .The same could of course be said of this administration . Ours are the not ready for Prime Time Players , and our waifs are playing All Pros for World Domination . Specifically , the proxy jihadi Domino Teamsters known this week as ' The Islamic State ' . Last wek they were ISIL then ISIS . Next week they will just be Al Qaeda and their chadorables .
The Left finds distinctions without differences between unaligned islamic militias . We will remind readers that the lot of them ( and boy , are there a lot of them ) , align themselves toward Mecca at Sunset . The Left of course demanded there were no AQ in Iraq , and set off to save the Middle East ( " which is itself a problem  that has plagued the area for centuries " -BHO ) . PDUS  insists there isn't a penny's difference between any of them , and all islamists are in this jihad thing together .
Their ' few bad Apples ' can and will start WWIII  w the jihad support of the entire frigging Orchard of 1.5 Billion . One of those ' bad apples ' beheaded photo journalist Jim Foley last week . The Brits believe he is a released prisoner from GITMO , and we would not be surprised . Probably part of Erkel's Grand Bargain , of 5 Killer Terrorists for a Deserter . It wasn't such a Grand Idea , or Bargain either .
Hey at least people got laid in the Bargain .
The Rest of us just got screwed .

Monday, August 18, 2014

The sorry state of State and of the Union

We ran across a couple headlines on Drudge today , illustrative of the sorry state of the Press . In one a reporter at the Ferguson riots confuses foam earplugs with Rubber Bullets . The other was even more egregious  . Remember when everything was released on George Zimmerman but the GPS coordinates ? Our betters have seen fit to tattle again , w the address AND A MAP to the home of the cop who shot the latest Teen Angel , the 6'4" 300 lb Michael Brown .

Rush made a good point that the Cop may not have known about the shoplifting / ' strong arm robbery ' , but the kid most certainly did . All he really did was shove a waifish clerk , and threaten to do so again , until that his , his confrontation w the Cop .  At that point in the Police car , he got hold of the Officer's weapon . For a 300 lb man , that is taking candy from a Baby . He knew even if the Cop didn't , that  ' it ' was about to hit the fan , and that he was going to jail . This is how I see it .  The kid escapes the cop but thinks his brawn can still win this battle ( as it always had before ) . The Cop knows he is right , and he had been properly taught that when you are in fear of your life , you shoot to kill . Not to wound .To kill . Sure , shot for shoplifting is harsh . Problem is assaulting a Cop is not shoplifting .
CNN . The most trusted name in Newborns 
 Our State Department has been pedaling hard for Global Warming FOTS . This partially thanks to crack reporting from the MSM that we illustrate w the above photo . The Hornets aren't really gigantic it turns out ( did this look like an old Enquirer headline or what )? Their staff Geographer was apparently off for the day , unless tectonic shifts have been even worse than feared by the Gorical . At the direction of our President SS JF Kerry has been singing the GW tune to our Asian allies .
We understand he also does the Songs of the Humpbacked Whales .
From WZ ..." Secretary of State John Kerry is wrapping up a five-day trip through Asia and the Pacific by focusing on climate change.On Saturday, Kerry met with leaders in Burma. He then joined Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel for meetings in Australia on Monday.Today, he flew to the Solomon Islands to meet government leaders......When Kerry met with Solomon Islands Prime Minister Gordon Lilo, the focus was on the environment."
Compare and Contrast 
“But more importantly, we have $25 million in Asia Pacific climate change adaptation. We have another $25 million in mitigation programs. I know it’s of great concern to you. And in addition to that, we have huge historical ties that we respect enormously,” Kerry continued.

Glad to see the administration remains focused on the big issues like Riots , Ukraine and Ebola . Guess why Erkel took a break from his Cape Cod vacation ? He was stroking weenies in the C of  C and Hi tech industries who want H1B visas in return for their Amnesty support . Yea that's a BIG priority for the Country .

We found some photos of Kerry's predecessor at State...............
Is Mata ' Hairy ' heavy here ?
Tea Leoni as Madam's Secretary
As laughable as Kerry's  Dimplomacy was , he has far outshone Hillary ( who cannot sing ) . Benghazi stained her tenure as did the Russian ' Re-set ' ( which if memory serves , translated as a sexual slur ) . An in kind contribution to the DNC has been made by CBS who has cast a hot mamma as Hillary Clinton , our noble public servant . From the ads you could tell her account was fictionalized , another ' West Wing written by lefties for lefties .  I will never see an episode of this one either . It's too transparently a big favor to The Party .

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Rubber Chicken , Lemon Soup , and Bush anecdotes for 38k ? Dunno about that . Will I need to tip my waiter $5000 or look like a piker ?

I was watching the President last week as he castigated St Louis ( Ferguesson ) police for not being compassionate and understanding enough while arresting a robbery suspect . Michael Brown is of course the new Saint Skittles ( as Trayvon Martin was nicknamed ) .
Trayvon was of course not the 12 year old waif the media sold wholesale . He was instead a street tough much larger at 6'2 , and far fitter than George Zimmerman . Reports have him somewhat short of Angelic even tho the MSM paints him so .  He showed up at school for instance , w pockets full of Jewelry  that he found .
Same MSM mischaracterization  is true in this latest case . Our  MSM " teenager " is 6'4" and 300 pounds . The convenience store clerk was a starved looking Cambodian immigrant type , an  Erkelesque  and waifish  5'6" and 130 lbs . I don't blame him for retreating and calling the Police .
As it turns out this wasn't an innocent kid , but a strong arm robber , who had just pushed around and threatened  this clerk while stealing $50 worth of Swisher Sweet Cigars . We presume he was also the perp who struggled inside a Police car as he tried to get the officer's handgun . Swell kid we are sure , even if he was ready to kill a cop so he could get away w felony theft . For this we get 4 nights of Riots ?

Erkel of course also interfered when that Diversity Trainer Cop ( that the President said " acted stupidly " ) , offended , heh , scholar , Professor ' Skip ' Gates of Beer Summit fame .  He is a friend of the President's who won local infamy claiming infamous rappers 2 Live Crew were  the " cultural equivalent of Shakespeare  " .

That of course did not say much for the Culture .
Something struck me as I watched the Preezie  preening and pontificating about ' black Justice ' which was doubled w Eric Holder playing the same tune . What struck me as odd was our Pencil necked geek's similarity , again , to Don Knotts . We had a column a few weeks back noting how his voice was ' Don Knottsian ' , and liable to crack like antique China . I am a medium sized guy w a 34 inch waist , and wear a 15.5 neck , and 32 inch sleeves . Erkel couldn't possibly have more than a 12.5 inch collar size , if his Adam's Apple isn't factored in .Watching his Adam's Apple Bobcat Goldwaith up and down in pitch and key it occurred to me his neck was skinnier than Knotts . This photo we found BTW sure points to a family resemblance w our old pal ' liver spots ' Arafat . Al Jazeera dropped their claims to his Polonium poisoning when it turned out after half life calculations that his dose was 15,000 kg . We wonder where they put it all .

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The right to Life , and to Death , or Suicide , still the sincerest form of self criticism

*Have you guys seen the last picture of Robin Williams ? That's it above , and we believe it is a Howler Monkey that was named for him at the San Fransisco Zoo . Looks like the Monkey on his back we all knew was there .  I have known about four suicides . I miss all of them . My  Chess buddy  Joe hung himself . His sister gave me two of his books  when he died  , something on  Hunter Thompson ( who ate a 12 gauge for Breakfast ) , and ' Searching for Bobby Fisher '. After his divorce he became a serious alcoholic who would go to work Downtown totally smashed every morning . Drunk was the only way life was tolerable to him unless he was scuba diving . I ran across a picture last week that made me think of him.
That is a whale shark on this guys truck , headed to market . The highlight to Joe's life was a close encounter w a 50 footer , who swam w him for about 20 minutes . ( They are gentle giants , and  no threat to humans ) . Underwater Joe suffered no earthly concerns . I am the same way on the Golf Course , where I can worry about nothing but my next putt .

Another of my peripheral friends shot himself thru the heart w a 45 . He was a pot smuggler by trade and probably died in 1968 when his GF broke up w him . A very clever guy he hollowed out a flatbed trailer and hauled it back and forth across the border filled w pounds of pot . The GF objected , and he believed he could not live without her . The family , and his friends were devastated . I include myself .
He really was a very sweet guy , and dead at 21 .
One of my pals in High School had his Mom commit suicide , after numerous attempts . She was a divorced single mother of three , w the youngest about 8 or 9 . I was worried sick over ' Keelie ' , who was too young to go it alone , as her siblings did . I still worry about her , even tho she must be 55 by now . She was the victim of her mom's misery .

I worked for another suicide , a Doctor . He was one of the funniest men I ever met and harbored an enormous sadness inside , hidden away .  He died of overdose as did Keelie's mom . I went to his memorial service stoned , as it was the only way I could deal w my own small loss . Put him in the Coffee Bar at work , and he was on stage doing the stand up he had probably perfected at 12 . The man was a joy to work with , but divorced his home life was empty . She took the kids . He took the drugs .

Williams was serious enough about wanting out of his conundrum , to arrange an escape .Every one of the above planned the same . There is a scene in the movie The Hours  where Nicole Kidman recreates Virginia Woolfe's suicide . She fills her pockets w rocks and walks into a river .

The director makes it clear her's is a calm lucid choice .

I think every man should have the right  to make that choice . Think of the terminal patient in constant pain . Shouldn't he have the choice to turn that pain off ? All the above did .

Yes I know suicide is usually a permanent solution to a temporary problem .All the suicide sees is the solution .
Who am I to deny him that ?

Monday, August 11, 2014

The differnce between Sharial law and Civil ? Civilization .

The above Photo was a Google search , as most of my photos are . It's a young Falachi , before she grew into apparently Anne Bancroft . What we found at Google searching Falachi made our whole weekend . You will remember this from our sidebar . Since few read Arabic it says
' We will not submit ' .  Call it our badge of ' Rage and Pride '.

Here is proud infidelity for you and we are proud as punch this is linked on a Falachi search page . As it turned out this site had 5 linked images on that site . What an honor to be associated w that great warrior for Western Civilization . I feel like we earned an HRH endorsemement like Prince Charles gave to 'Royal Lyme ' , or maybe a   ' by appointment to ' Joan of Arc . Sweep me through the Gates of Vienna .  We did not have room for our preferred  subtitle above  ...' or Getting Stoned after Friday Prayers may not mean what you think it does '  . Today's argument for carpet bombing ISIS wherever they are found follows below ............
The wacky islamists are at it again . It's a good day to read a little Falachi . Syrian locals were offended when ' Foreign Fighters ' from Saudi Arabia and Tunisia ( proxy jihadi Domino Teamsters ) executed two women for adultery last week . I bet the Tunisians were members of the 'moderate' Enhada party that AP so favored . ( After 6 articles we were shocked to learn that moderate was not actually part of their name ) . They have since proven otherwise . These BTW , are John McCain's trusted secular allies . Here is the lead paragraph from today's Chronicle and the AP .
" BEIRUT (AP) — A cleric read the verdict before the truck came and dumped a large pile of stones near the municipal garden. Jihadi fighters then brought in the woman, clad head to toe in black, and put her in a small hole in the ground. When residents gathered, the fighters told them to carry out the sentence: Stoning to death for the alleged adulteress.None in the crowd stepped forward, said a witness to the event in a northern Syrian city. So the jihadi fighters, mostly foreign extremists, did it themselves, pelting Faddah Ahmad with stones until her body was dragged away."Even when she was hit with stones she did not scream or move," said an opposition activist who said he witnessed the stoning near the football stadium and the Bajaa garden in the city of Raqqa, the main Syrian stronghold of the Islamic State group.The July 18 stoning was the second in a span of 24 hours. A day earlier, 26-year-old Shamseh Abdullah was killed in a similar way in the nearby town of Tabqa by Islamic State fighters. Both were accused of having sex outside marriage.The killings were the first of their kind in rebel-held northern Syria, where jihadis from the Islamic State group have seized large swaths of territory, terrorizing residents with their strict interpretation of Islamic law, including beheadings and cutting off the hands of thieves. The jihadis recently tied a 14-year-old boy to a cross-like structure and left him for several hours in the scorching summer sun before bringing him down -- punishment for not fasting during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan."

NOW , will object later , maybe , w a scathing hashtag .

In related news I’m beginning to feel like Erdogan doesn’t like Jews.
Via Daily Beast:
Turkey’s prime minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, has some advice for his strongest supporters in the U.S. Congress: If you don’t like the rise of anti-Semitism that has accompanied Israel’s latest war, then you should pressure Israel to stop killing Palestinians.An August 5 letter written by one of Erdogan’s top advisers on behalf of the prime minister and obtained by The Daily Beast disputes accusations that his recent statements about Jews and Israel were anti-Semitic. Those statements include an assertion on July 19 that Israel’s actions in Gaza “surpassed what Hitler did to them.” A few days earlier, a top newspaper in Turkey affiliated with Erdogan called on Turkish Jews to apologize for the actions of Israel’s military in Gaza.“Each Israeli attack undermines the peace and tranquility of Jews living all around the world and turns them into targets of hate speech,” wrote Volkan Bozkir, a former Turkish ambassador to the European Union and now an Erdogan adviser and legislator who serves as the chairman of the Turkey-USA Inter-Parliamentary Friendship Caucus and the Turkish parliament’s Foreign Affairs Committee. He added: “We would therefore recommend that you, instead of trying to silence the legitimate criticisms towards Israel, call on and pressure the Israeli government to put an end to its policies of occupation and destruction. This would be the best and the strongest response to anti-Semitism.”
Our invasion of Turks has ended BTW w zero readers where there were Hundreds last week . All the fun stopped late Friday , after prayers and we wonder whether Fatwattage  is involved . Westerners wonder just what the um , ummah pray for .
There are rumors....

Friday, August 8, 2014

Two Pickles One Tomato also Weiners for Queens

Anthony Weiner was in the news this week . He is opening a Restaurant in Queens  . Weiners . Everybody loves Weiners . Supposedly . Perhaps at least they do in his circle of friends and jerks . Weiners do of course  have one world famous aficionado . He has reportedly finished off more Hot Dogs than Nathan's Coney Island gobbler Joey Chestnut .
Clint or shiftless ?
The Chronicle has a story up this morning about an online predator . They have disabled comments about this young man , ( breaking our heart ) who hoped to inspire 3 way sex w an underage girl AND HER FATHER . ( This qualifies him for the two pickles one tomato list serve ) . We immediately thought of other uh , members and Anthony Weiner's  desire for group sex w Mata ' Hairy ' Huma......
We know how this worked out , and have even published the photographic proof......
Mata ' Hairy ' of course lived w Bill and Hill for years while lobbying them both hard for the um , ummah . She was raised in the Muslim Brother and Sisterhood , with BOTH parents involved in Party leadership . That's the reason we named her Mata ' Hairy ' , believing as we do that she has far outdone the original Matahari as temptress provocateur . Plus we like the image our adjective inspires .
Having bedded a sitting President and his future President wife she holds blackmail powers over both w salacious details over de tail she dished out to them , AND of course w the DNA DYNAMITE from their ' Little Crooked Willie '.  ( a nickname lifted from a deposition describing Bill's Peyronies syndrome , which tilted his equipage L ) . 
Oh , We saw a picture of Chelsea (the new Face of NBC News).

 Its either her or a young Debbie Wasserman Schultz , who as you know we believe is a  step sister if not indeed the same person .
Chelsea is PG of course and another recent photo of her gave us paws .
It was her and her hubby Marc Mezvinski ( whose Dad just left Club Fed ) .  Mezvinski  was the one in the Mom Jeans which when combined w recent divorce rumors made us worry over the solidity of her marriage .
This last pick is someone's photo shopped version of what is pending in her pregnancy . You can tell it is photo shopped because neither she or her mom is as hideous as usual . I can imagine Chelsea w Erkel BTW . He would have that big shit eating grin for the whole world sayin ' yea baby I scored ' when in truth it was Chelsea who got lucky . The President , part Erkel , part Pee Wee would be about the best she could ever hope to uh , do .

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Coincidentally Yours

Guys , I haven't got the slightest idea who wrote the following which came in my mornings email . Since it is more interesting than anything I have percolating , it will do fine as Postage for today . Forward it to a true believer .

The Coincidence of Barack Obama

     Any one of these 'coincidences' when taken singularly appear to not mean much, but when taken as a whole, a computer would blow a main circuit if you asked it to calculate the odds that they have occurred by chance alone. Sit back, get a favorite beverage, and then read and ponder the Obama-related 'coincidences' ... then super-impose the bigger picture of most recent events i.e. Fast and furious, Benghazi, the IRS scandal and the NSA revelations ... then pray for our country.

Obama just happened to know 60's far-left radical revolutionary William Ayers, whose father just happened to be Thomas Ayers, whojust happened to be a close friend of Obama’s communist mentor Frank Marshall Davis, who just happened to work at the communist-sympathizing Chicago Defender with Vernon Jarrett, who just happened to later become the father-in-law of Iranian-born leftist Valerie Jarrett, who Obama just happenedto choose as his closest White House advisor, and who just happened to have been CEO of Habitat Company, which just happened to manage public housing in Chicago, which just happened to get millions of dollars from the Illinois state legislature, and which just happened not to properly maintain the housing—which eventually just happened to require demolition.

Valerie Jarrett also just happened to work for the city of Chicago, and just happened to hire Michelle La Vaughan Robinson (later Mrs. Obama), who just happened to have worked at the Sidley Austin law firm, where former fugitive from the FBI Bernadine Dohrn also just happened to work, and where Barack Obamajust happened to get a summer job.

     Bernardine Dohrn just happened to be married to William Ayers, with whom she just happened to have hidden from the FBI at a San Francisco marina, along with Donald Warden, who just happened to change his name to Khalid al-Mansour, and Warden/al-Mansourjust happened to be a mentor of Black Panther Party founders Huey Newton and Bobby Seale and a close associate of Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, and al-Mansour just happened to be financial adviser to a Saudi Prince, who just happened to donate cash to Harvard, for which Obama just happened to get a critical letter of recommendation from Percy Sutton, who just happened to have been the attorney for Malcolm X, who  just happened to know Kenyan politician Tom Mboya, who just happened to be a close friend of Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., who just happened to meet Malcolm X when he traveled to Kenya.

     Obama, Sr. just happened to have his education at the University of Hawaii paid for by the Laubach Literacy Institute, which just happened to have been supported by Elizabeth Mooney Kirk, who just happened to be a friend of Malcolm X, who just happened to have been associated with the Nation of Islam, which was later headed by Louis Farrakhan, who just happens to live very close to Obama’s Chicago mansion, which also just happens to be located very close to the residence of William Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn, who just happen to have been occasional baby-sitters for Malia and Natasha Obama, whose parents just happened to have no concern exposing their daughters to bomb-making communists.

After attending Occidental College and Columbia University, where he just happened to have foreign Muslim roommates, Obama moved to Chicago to work for the Industrial Areas Foundation, an organization that just happened to have been founded by Marxist and radical agitator Saul “the Red” Alinsky, author of Rules for Radicals, who just happened to be the topic of Hillary Rodham Clinton’s thesis at Wellesley College, and Obama’s $25,000 salary at IAF just happened to be funded by a grant from the Woods Fund, which was founded by the Woods family, whose Sahara Coal company just happened to provide coal to Commonwealth Edison, whose CEO just happened to be Thomas Ayers, whose son William Ayers just happened to serve on the board of the Woods Fund, along with Obama.

Obama also worked on voter registration drives in Chicago in the 1980's and just happened to work with leftist political groups like the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) and Socialist International (SI), through which Obama met Carl Davidson, who just happened to travel to Cuba during the Vietnam War to sabotage the U.S. war effort, and who just happened to be a former member of the SDS and a member of the Committees of Correspondence for Democracy and Socialism, which just happened to sponsor a 2002 anti-war rally at which Obama spoke, and which just happened to have been organized by Marilyn Katz, a former SDS activist and later public relations consultant who just happened to be a long-time friend of Obama’s political hatchet man, David Axelrod.

Obama joined Trinity United Church of Christ (TUCC), whose pastor was Reverend Jeremiah Wright, a fiery orator who just happenedto preach Marxism and Black Liberation Theology and who delivered anti-white, anti-Jew, and anti-American sermons, which Obamajust happened never to hear because he just happened to miss church only on the days when Wright was at his “most enthusiastic,” and Obama just happened never to notice that Oprah Winfrey left the church because it was too radical, and just happened never to notice that the church gave the vile anti-Semitic Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan a lifetime achievement award.

Although no one had ever heard of him at the time, Obama just happened to receive an impossible-to-believe $125,000 advance to write a book about race relations, which he just happened to fail to write while using the cash to vacation in Bali with his wife Michelle, and despite his record of non-writing he just happened to receive a second advance, for $40,000, from another publisher, and he eventually completed a manuscript called DreamsFrom My Father, which just happened to strongly reflect the writing style of William Ayers, whojust happened to trample on an American flag for the cover photograph of the popular Chicago magazine, which Obama just happened never to see even though it appeared on newsstands throughout the city.

Obama was hired by the law firm Miner, Banhill and Galland, which just happened to specialize in negotiating state government contracts to develop low-income housing, and which just happened to deal with now-imprisoned Tony Rezko and his firm Rezar, and with slumlord Valerie Jarrett, and the law firm’s Judson Minerjust happened to have been a classmate of Bernardine Dohrn, wife of William Ayers.
In 1994 Obama represented ACORN and another plaintiff in a lawsuit against Citibank for denying mortgages to blacks (Buycks-Roberson v. Citibank Federal Savings Bank), and the lawsuit just happened to result in banks being blackmailed into approving sub-prime loans for poor credit risks, a trend which just happened to spread nationwide, and which just happened to lead to the collapse of the housing bubble, which just happened to help Obama defeat John McCain in the 2008 presidential election.

In 1996 Obama ran for the Illinois State Senate and joined the “New Party,” which just happened to promote Marxism, and Obama was supported by Dr. Quentin Yong, a socialist who just happened to support a government takeover of the health care system.

In late 1999 Obama purportedly engaged in homosexual activities and cocaine-snorting in the back of a limousine with a man named Larry Sinclair, who claims he was contacted in late 2007 by Donald Young, whojust happened to be the gay choir director of Obama’s Chicago church and who shared information with Sinclair about Obama, and Young  just happened to be murdered on December 23, 2007, just weeks after Larry Bland, another gay member of the church, just happened to be murdered, and both murders just happened to have never been solved. In 2008 Sinclair held a press conference to discuss his claims, and just happened to be arrested immediately after the event, based on a warrant issued by Delaware Attorney General Beau Biden, who just happens to be the son of Joe Biden.

In 2003 Obama and his wife attended a dinner in honor of Rashid Khalidi, who just happenedto be a former PLO operative, harsh critic of Israel, and advocate of Palestinian rights, and who Obama claims he does not know, even though the Obamas just happenedto have dined more than once at the home of Khalidi and his wife, Mona, and just happened to have used them as occasional baby-sitters. Obama reportedly praised Khalidi at the decidedly anti-Semitic event, which William Ayers just happened to also attend, and the event Obama pretends he never attended was sponsored by the Arab American Action Network, to which Obamajust happenedto have funneled cash while serving on the board of the Woods Fund with William Ayers, and one speaker at the dinner remarked that if Palestinians cannot secure a return of their land, Israel “will never see a day of peace,” and entertainment at the dinner included a Muslim children’s dance whose performancesjust happened to include simulated beheadings with fake swords, and stomping on American, Israeli, and British flags, and Obama allegedly told the audience that “Israel has no God-given right to occupy Palestine” and there has been “genocide against the Palestinian people by (the) Israelis,” and the Los Angeles Times has a videotape of the event but just happens to refuse to make it public.

In the 2004 Illinois Democrat primary race for the U.S. Senate, front-runner Blair Hull just happened to be forced out of the race after David Axelrod just happened to manage to get Hull’s sealed divorce records unsealed, which just happened to enable Obama to win the primary, so he could face popular Republican Jack Ryan, whose sealed child custody records from his divorce just happened to become unsealed, forcing Ryan to withdraw from the race, which just happened to enable the unqualified Obama to waltz into the U.S. Senate, where, after a mere 143 days of work, he just happened to decide he was qualified to run for President of the United States.

Wadda bunch of coinkydinks FOTS !

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Euro Putter and Urifemme Part III

Like a rat deserting a sinking ship today's uh , musements come mostly courtesy of Ace where I stole some great photos again . I have no shame . Wait . I'll prove it . 
 Remember this purse handy gadget gals ? It's baaack in an international  re-branding . ( Now w a manlier pine scent )  .
This ' urinating tube for women '  ( sold in a handy 7 pack ) is supposedly one size fits all , but you know how they lie .
They lie like this naval gazer I just found in the Chronicle . Hearst Corp is from San Fransisco and my paper reflects its parentage w happy news about happy gays galore . Now it seems they open the Mapplethorpe collection too . We will share what we can . Perhaps it is inappropriate for a Sunday Column but I thought you should see it just to cheer you up a little . That some of our readers are aroused by it is a sad fact of life . Welcome . One and all .

Oh , I found one more thing there before we get to your gasp re-run .
( I'll be the rat swimming laps ) Think of it as a palette cleanser . Its true FOTS the original column found  here was worth reposting , uh , here .


Draining One from the Fairway Part ll

I had to repeat the above gag as it was under appreciated by my lights , for it's ambiguity . No one seemed to grasp the gagginess wrapped in all that Bloggy Goodness , which will now be illustrated below .

Every Golfer dreams of one day draining one from the Fairway .

Just not that one .

 Or probably they do dream of that ,  scheduling it for right after they drain that shot  . Beer and  Coffee after all do have to go somewhere , as do our Golfers , Male and Female ........... .

 These instructions below ,  I  include  because I put the wrong FOTO on the front page yesterday , when I was trying to explain how these two devices could work together . When used in concert they can bring  new freedoms to  Gyno Americans  who will also no longer be constrained by facilities that are ' just too icky ' .Now they will even have the Freedom to pull it out and douse Forest Fires  should Smokey Require assistance .

OK , so once more into the fray . Here is Part 1 , the UroPutter  , into which one uh , puts his uh , putter to pee . BTW this reminds of  Mrs Arnold Palmer's response to Johnny Carson's question about ' Good Luck for Tournaments ' . She replied that she kissed his Balls for Luck and he asided that should stiffen his putter or putting resolve , which as you might imagine embarrassed her a bit .
Five Hundred Thousand Dollars worth as it turned out in the Lawsuit .

Now that we have explained w photos how this receptacle will work , let's talk about that ' nozzle "  These of course , are unecessary for let's say ' manlier gals like Selma Bouvier and a certain Flotus both of which have angered significant others , by leaving the toilet seat up .Those still squatting to pee will find this liberating .

Here is the device .........

And here FOTS , are the assembly instructions

Now careful readers will note how these two items might fit together , much like the male and female ends of a plug .  That is much more fun using original equipment , and this is not recommended for recreational purposes ,  even tho when wet these devices may resemble an Elephant's Trunk , or uncircumcised  male .

Members only tho , if you catch my drift

BTW gals , those of you watching your budgets and not ready to devote $150 for an ostensible month's supply of the above might consider FASHIONING YOUR OWN !  That's right , unless I miss my guess and have forgotten anatomy an empty toilet paper roll could be used to the exact same purpose !

I suspect a Manilla envelope could also be recycled for this use w a few creative folds , and then flushed away with none the wiser , while  women  everywhere become ,  uh , manlier .

No doubt all our regular readers will want to try one on for size tonight  .

Hopefully they will share their results w anxious readers 

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Turkish (D) lite , almost Democrats , like Republican leadership

There is a bottled Tea for sale in the USA  called ' Turkey Hill ' . The image their marketing inspires cannot sell much of the product . Wouldn't you want to watch your step ? One would not walk barefoot on that hill , assuming it well fertilized .The Western world got a dose of Turkey leavings yesterday . Details below .

PDUS has been swamped w about 200 readers from Turkey this week . We commend their taste , except in er , Erdogans . ( They are reading The Wonder Puppy Post and searching for the Eid or IED columns ) . Future Caliph Erdogan  (2023) , our presiding Double Standard Barer is running for re-election there and we ask those voting to kiss him goodbye . ( That would infuriate the Mullahs , which is what Turkey must do ) . A local government islamist demanded last week that women not laugh out loud . It is ' unladylike ' . Think about that . To lol is verboten . Next he will want you covered , ladies , and speaking for the opposite sex , please refuse this and all requests for affection until all your theocrats die off .Your Civil Rights ( and I include the right to show your face in public ) should trump Sharial Laws .Your Military used to enforce the point whenever the mullahs made demands .
They are diminished and now pawn to politics .

Erdogan wanted to express the ' islamic nature ' of his state . He certainly did so , and as a result Turkey's prestige is at a low ebb . It wasn't just the recent scandals or the IHH Gaza ' Loveboat ' , or buying embargoed oil w 64 TONS of Gold either . Refusing overflights to invade ' Muslim Lands ' aroused suspicions  since confirmed that you are simply unworthy of NATO membership . We will move our bases ( Germany too ) to Poland , a more dependable ally , and receive a warm welcome . Erdogan did this to you , and he lost you the EU too . Its decision time Turkey .Do you want to join the Western World w its Civil protections , or the Eastern World without ? You choose in next months elections .  Oh , BTW those are the Teams for WWIII . Just as w the ' muslim separatist ' Uighers , odds are against the coming Caliphate in a big way . PDUS will not bet against the Heavy Weaponry of the Chinese Communist Party in its Domino match w the um , ummah either  .
Not even a wee wager on those Uighers will be made .

We will however be making popcorn .

Sunday, July 27, 2014

President bats 800 in Basketball , looks IL

I was reading up today on the greatest Tennis Match of all time . Isner vs Mahut playing at Wimbledon . Eleven hours and change it lasted and the last set wasn't 6 to 4 or 7 to 5 ( as is typical ) , it was 70 to 68  w one break of serve . They had 980 points in 182 games and tiebreakers . This battle to the death , so dwarfed all of tennis history ( 100 Aces , each ) , lasting twice as long as any previous match , that its numbers may stand 500 years before being challenged .
Outrageous achievement comes in other sports too . A Golf fan like President Erkel/Peewee must certainly have heard how the greatest golfer of all time just dominated the sport by finishing 38 under par in his first and only attempt . I speak of course of the diminutive (5'3") Kim Jong Il .
 Ben Hogan may have won 12 tournaments in a row but he never got within 25 strokes of Golf Deity Il . Tiger couldn't touch him either , as most of his shots went in . He had 7 Aces in one Round , and multiple Eagles too . His was another of those timeless  achievements .
Tea Pottier
Mark Spitz w 7 Gold Medals and 7 World Records in one Olympics  was nothing in comparison  to Il . Nolan Ryan's 7 No Hitters , was again , a comparable nothing . He would need 70 to match Il . Not even the immortal Ted Williams , the only man to ever Bat 400  for a full season was that good .
Well now FOTS a miraculous transformation has our limp wristed POUTUS proving to have NBA star potential . You will recall our footage of him missing 20 of 22 layups . We ridiculed Kobe Bryant's assertion that  he could play for the Lakers  when in fact he could win Championships as a one man Team  . I did a little research  on NBA shooting stats  and if Erkel  sinks 80% of his shots as he claims he will soon be one of the world's wealthiest professional athletes .The greatest  shooters ever shot 500 ( sinking 50% of their shots )  . By that standard Erkel is an 800 shooter who could shame Larry Bird w Basketball Skillz not seen since Space Jam .  If this were baseball he would be hitting 700 and turning that wuss wannabe Ted Wms into jelly quivering at his magnificence . To call the President's stunning athletic talents sick is understatement . They're  IL .

With his matchstick arms and legs though , his career could be shortened by injury if I am playing . Unlike in this photo he would not get a 4 lane highway to the bucket . His closest contact w defenders will not be after the games . Think Charles Barkley plays Barney the Dinosaur . Like that .
Travelling man on fast breaking legs